I find myself to be really pissed off at myself.

I feel like I've been enlightened and all the crap I've been doing has just pissed me off. I've been relatively apathetic with my grades, passing but barely and making no real effort. I think that because I would get upset with my grades, people would tell me, "Oh well, at least it's passing, it's good." I think maybe I convinced myself that so long as I pass that things are okay. I'm mad that I believed it was a good thing to pass, passing is good and all, but it's like that's all I've been striving for since people would tell me that it's good. Striving for just passing isn't something I want to do anymore.

So, please help kick me in the pants. Don't encourage just passing; don't tell me it's okay that that's what it is. I know you're just trying to cheer me up, but that's not what I want. Sugar tastes good and all, but in the end it still rots your teeth.

I need to get back to my old wanting an A. It's because I've never had to try until now that I stopped caring. What was the point? There was none. I'd get an A and I'd never have to do anything and my laziness and procrastination has never been so apparent.

I don't want to be average anymore, I want to be great.

You can also expect a direct effect on my internet time. I won't be on much anymore. Bedtime will be at 11. Please discourage me staying up after that. I really need encouragement to help this change.

Btw, I have a new saying, "Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you're only screwing yourself."